Clara and Rose having an argument
by Nyxica
Summary: I imagined what it would be like if Rose and Clara would meet. They talk about what the Doctor remembers and feels from his past lives. This conversation would take place after the regeneration of the 11th doctor to the 12th. They meet each other in Madame Vastra's unconscious meeting room. (English is not my native language) - Please let me know what you think!


Clara: I remember when my Doctor said that..

Rose: See! That's where you got it wrong. There is no 'my' Doctor or 'your' Doctor. He's the same man. With the same memories, only with another face. They are both 'our' Doctors. But I understand you more than anyone that you can't see it that way, but you will. Eventually.

Clara: I do understand that he stays 'The Doctor'. But listen, I strongly believe that certain emotions and memories stick to the face, to that version of the Doctor. Their personality's change as Doctor you met had other values, other cravings and emotions than the one I met.

Sometimes he mentions things from the past that I don't understand. I believe his memories are all there, and the memories of emotions too, but the emotions themselves.. This Doctor just doesn't see me the way 11th did.

Rose: You don't know that, you can't say that.

Clara: Do you honestly believe that if you would have met 'my' Doctor, he would react the same way as 'your' Doctor would react if he saw you again?

Rose: I would never know.. But I do believe so. He's the same man, just, different.. I knew the 9th Doctor, you know. When I first met him, he looked different, was different.

Clara: Different from the man you fell in love with?

*Rose gives her a look from under her eyebrows*

Rose: Clara, I understand you must find it difficult to believe. But he is 'your' Doctor as much as he is mine. They talk different, act different, dress and look different but...

Clara: They are the same? Really? All of them? The men we met, even maybe fell in love with, regenerated. All the cells in his body were replaced by new ones. All of them. He still knows me, but the connection we had is lost. It went away all together with the face of the Doctor I met for the first time. And he knows it very well, that we had a connection. But for him it is a memory, not a feeling. Not anymore. And I believe you would agree if you would have met 'my' Doctor. If you would have seen how he'd become. He would remember the feelings he had, the relationship you shared, he would remember them, but not feel them as strong as his pre-regeneration self would have. And, if you think about it that is, maybe, for the best. Because I know your story. If he would still feel the same things after a regeneration, there wouldn't be much left of the 11th Doctor. 10th had lost so much, 11th couldn't bare it to start a new chapter of his life with the SAME emotions, he would simply break. You know that, more than anyone I suppose.

Rose: You could be right about that, 10th was lost. He couldn't take much more..

River stood in the doorway, listening. She steps into the light and both girls turned their heads when they realized they were not alone in the room.

River: 11th lost more then 10t. Simply because he was older. He lost his two best friends Amy and Rory. But also all the loved ones he had lost before he regenerated to 11th. This regeneration just has another way to bare it. But you're both right. He remembers it all. Feelings too. And of course he would break if he would feel all the things he remembers, he's over 2000 years old. But in his dreams he enters his past regenerations. He still had dreams were he cries out your name, Rose. Awful dreams, heavy dreams because they bring it all back. He whispers the names of the ones he loved and lost. He dreams about them and when he wakes up, he looks like he is carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders. But then he takes a moment. And those dreams, these feelings become a vague memory again. It's like when we're having nightmares. When you just wake up, you feel as scared or miserable as you felt in the dream. But when you are properly awake and think about it again, it becomes less heavy, it's suddenly much further away. Only, in our case it were 'just dreams'. In the case of the Doctor..

All these emotions are still somewhere inside him, but he locks them away. It's the past. When he's sleeping, he becomes one with all his regenerations. But when he wakes up, he is the Doctor, this Doctor. You both know, you both have seen his heavy eyes, no matter what Doctor you imagine. Those eyes that have seen so much, too much for only one set of eyes to bare..


End file.
